Train Up a Child

"Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6 (NKJV)

We have a household filled with ADD tendencies, so it's no surprise that our house is usually less than immaculate.  That said, we've been making an effort to be more consistent about having our 6 year-old daughter take responsibility for certain age-appropriate chores. 

To encourage this, we've hung a chore chart in her room.  We tried using it many months ago, but when it was on my husband and I to be responsible, her task completion was seriously lacking.  Lately however, my husband upped the weekly goal, and she's been on top of things, exceeding that goal by competing against herself.

I'm not sure if it's a matter of her being more mature or us setting a challenging goal, but whatever the case, I'm certainly happy to see her becoming more responsible and independent.  Do you have any tips for how to get the whole family involved in keeping the house clean?  I'd love to hear them.  Please, leave a comment!

Let's Talk About Sex (and ADD)

When most people think about ADD, sex probably isn't the first thing that comes to mind.  However, the ADD can have a major impact on a sufferer's sexuality.

 

If you have inattentive type ADD like myself, sex is probably the last hing on your mind most of the time.  It's not that you aren't interested, but it's hard for your mind to focus and stay in the moment.  So maybe you don't get around to having sex because you're too distracted by clutter, overwhelmed by your to-do list, or drained by the inefficiencies in your day.  Or when you do have sex, you're thinking about your kids' schedules or mentally compiling your grocery list. Again, it's not due to a lack of interest in your partner.  Your brain just won't behave.  Also, some of us ADDers are hypersensitive to sensory stimulation meaning certain sounds or touching may actually feel extremely irritating.

For those with hyperactive or combined ADD, your sex life may be affected more by impulsivity.  When you're not enjoying sex, you may be in a rush to get it over with or may bluntly call things off (at the risk of hurting your partner's feelings).  Or perhaps you self-medicate with sex.  You may be frantically pursuing sexual encounters and arousal-inducing situations in order to relieve an inner tension.  If you're experiencing hyper-sexuality, you may find yourself engaging in sexual relationships that are not beneficial (such as affaris or promiscuity) or drawn to more and more edgy sexual practices.

For more information about sex and ADD (and how treating your ADD can improve your sex life), see Managing Your Sex Life With ADD and Sex Drive and ADD.

We're Just Different (Girls/Women & ADD)

When I tell people I have ADD, they often don't believe me.  "No.  But you did so well in school!  Plus, you've never been hyper."  Or if I admit that my daughter has symptoms they're quick to tell me, "Oh, don't believe that.  People just want to label her and force her on meds."  But if someone had high blood pressure, would we say seeking an accurate diagnosis and treatment was a matter of being labeled?  Of course not.

So, if you're having difficulty functioning at an optimal level, you owe it to yourself to find out why.  Since ADD is under diagnosed among women and girls, I thought it would be helpful to share some information on common symptoms. 

• Is your Daughter a Daydreamer, Tomboy or "Chatty Kathy"?
• ADD Symptoms in Women
• ADHD in Women
• How Might Hyperactivity Present Differently in Adults with ADHD v. Children?

Also, because we tend to cope with our symptoms differently, it's important to realize that there is a higher rate of depression, addiction, obesity, eating disorders, and anxiety disorders amongst ADD girls and women.  It's better to treat the ADD first before trying to address the symptoms.

• ADD/ADHD in Women — Special Issues

Great Resources for Saving Money & Getting Organized

As you've probably guessed it, I'm a lover of all things organized.  I just got into couponing thanks to my cousin-in-law, Erin (is that even a real term?), so of course I had to get my coupons organized.  In the process, I've come across some great resources for learning to coupon and just organizing in general.  You know me -- when I learn something cool, I want to share it with everyone.  I guess that's just the teacher in me.  So here are just a few:

• All You Magazine: A great place to find tips to organization, saving time, and living frugally while still enjoying life to the fullest.  I love how many "normal" ladies they feature.  Plus this a great place to find manufacturer's coupons.  The most recent issue had over $70 in savings
• Raining Hot Coupons: The first website I visited when I wanted to learn about coupons.  She has lots of videos teaching newbies the ropes, and she matches up weekly sales with coupons for you.
• The Krazy Coupon Lady: Another great place to start with tips for beginners to advanced couponers.  Another good place to find weekly sales matched up with coupons.  If you're a fan of the TLC show Extreme Couponing, one of the founders of this site was on the show.
• Swagbucks: You earn "swagbucks" for web searches, playing games, and even printing and using their free coupons.  Once you get enough points, you can redeem them for cool stuff, Amazon.com gift cards, or even a cash deposit into your Paypal account.  Sweet!

Accentuate the Positive

No one enjoys hearing a laundry-list of their shortcomings. Yet most websites and books I've encountered as a newly-diagnosed adult ADDer take the approach of, "Hey, it sucks to be you. So sad. Here's some ideas for how you can try to be more like 'normal' folks.'  But don't get your hopes up."  Yeah.

So it was refreshing to encounter the book Delivered from Distraction: Getting the Most out of Life with Attention Deficit Disorder by Drs. Edward M. Hallowell and John J. Ratey.  They treat ADD less as a disorder and more as a type of brain with both benefits and disadvantages.  Here's their "Seven Habits if Highly Effective ADD Adults" (p. 37):

1. Do what you're good at. Don't spend too much time trying to get good at what you're bad at. (You did enough of that in school.)
2. Delegate what you're bad at to others as often as possible.
3. Connect your energy to a creative outlet.
4. Get well enough organized to achieve your goals. The key her is "well enough." That doesn't mean you have to be very well organized at all -- just well enough organized to achieve your goals.
5. Ask for and heed advice from people you trust -- and ignore, as best you can, the dream-breakers and finger-waggers.
6. Make sure you keep up regular contact with a few close friends.
7. Go with your positive side. Even though you have a negative side, make decisions and run your life with your positive side.

Pretty good advice for anyone if you ask me.

Lost and Found

My household is full of folks who could lose their heads if they weren't attached.  Here're a few examples.  Our daughter constantly loses thing: her scissors, her crayons, the microscopic clothes for Barbie, and most recently her SHOES!  My husband is slightly better: he only occasionally loses his cell phone, keys, or WEDDING RING.  Lest you think I'm singling them out, I've been know to lose the glasses on my face and even the baby's pacifier in my hand.  Aren't we a motley crew?

Thankfully, I read some great tips in ADDitude Magazine and realized I'm not crazy (or even unusual) in the ADD community.  Losing things just goes with the territory.  But the article had some great tips about how to make life easier for yourself such as:

• Give everything it's own specific place.  (For me, if I don't drop my keys in the basket by the door or plug my cell phone in on my nightstand, I'll spend 15 minutes the next morning looking for them).
• Use the trash can liberally.  (How can you find the important stuff if it's buried beneath a bunch of junk?)
• Ask for help.  (Clearly my family is ADD-challenged when it comes to finding things.  A system is only great if everyone's on board.  And when things go MIA -- and they surely will -- recruit everyone for your search party.)

Take Control

Getting out the door in a reasonable time frame is a daily struggle for me.  I keep wondering why it takes me an hour to get out of bed (even though I'm already wide awake).  I chalked it up to just not being a morning person or not looking forward to going to work.  But seeing our daughter struggle with getting ready really opened my eyes to the situation.

On days when we have a plan (the backpack is packed, lunches are made, and clothes are laid out), we "magically" leave on time.  But honestly, on most days we just wing it.  I find myself fussing every day, "Why can't we ever be on time?  I hate being late!"  Then I noticed that we were usually late for church too, so I couldn't figure out why my husband would decide to load/unload the dishwasher when we needed to be out the door in an hour.  I didn't want to discourage him from voluntarily doing chores (yay for hubbies doing chores!), but that just didn't fit the routine.

Ding!  A light bulb went off in my head.  Routine!  Two things ADD folks struggle with are getting distracted and misjudging how long tasks will take.  I start to get pick out clothes for our daughter in the morning and notice clothes on the floor.  I stop to put them away and notice one of my son's socks got mixed in with hers.  I take it to his room and notice the trash needs to be emptied.  I go to empty the trash and realize I need a new bag for the can.  I...  Well, you get the idea. 

So, how in the world can I train myself to focus on one task at a time and stick to a routine?  Write it down!  For my daughter I made morning and bedtime routine checklists that I posted on the wall.  For myself, I saw a suggestion to create a Control Journal -- a "personal manual for listing and keeping track of your routines."  All you need to get started is a 1" binder and some paper.  You build it one step at a time.

I'm going to give a shot and let you know how it goes.  If you start seeing me show up on time to things, you'll know it's working!

You’ve Got to Start Somewhere

It’s a new year (funny how that seems to sneak up on me every 12 months), and my resolution is to be willing to step out and try new things.  One of those is my new business venture as an Independent Consultant for Thirty-One Gifts.  Another is my desire to help others (like myself) who may be struggling to bring order and beauty to their disorganized lives. 

As a woman with Adult ADD, if my surroundings are cluttered, so is my mind.  I just can’t function to the best of my abilities when my surroundings are disorganized.  Of course getting things together is easier said than done (especially with a husband, 5 year-old daughter, 8 month-old son, and a mutt who takes pride in shedding her black fur wherever she goes).

With months (or years) of clutter, it can be extremely overwhelming to figure out where to dive in.  My advice?

• Start small.  (Yes, it all needs to be tackled, but not all at once.  Break a big project into smaller, more manageable pieces.)
• Be consistent.  (If you devote 5-10 minutes every day, you’d be surprised how much of an improvement you’ll see.)
• KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid.  Don’t try to put everything where it belongs all at once.  As you go through each room separate things into 3 sections: keep, donate/sell, and trash.  As you move from room to room, unload the things that belong in that room, and put out of place items in the keep pile.  Hint: the Thirty-One Large Utility Tote can make carrying your keep pile from room to room easy.  Another one for your donation pile makes collection a snap.  Plus, they collapse easily for storage when not in use.)




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• Reward yourself!  (After you've completed your brief cleaning/organizing session, treat yourself to a cup of tea, a bubble bath, or that TV program you've been looking forward to all day.)